I am happy and very sad at the same time

Sorry I have been a slacker with my posts, but here is a new one!

Since I have lost weight especially lately (I don't mean to sound conceited) but a lot of the opposite sex has been pay attention to me. Now why this make me happy and sad at the same time is, it has really showed me how you are treated sooooooooo differently when your fat and that really makes me sad and pissed off. Hello, I am the same person now as I was when I was fatter there is just less of me now. For people that don’t actually know me, and are just strictly going by looks, my face is still the same just more saggy skin now and less roundness, and for people that do know me, my personality is still the same, the body is just different.

I have had more men hold the doors open for me now then ever, when I was fat I actually had some people let the door go in my face, now these people could be rude assholes in general and it had nothing to do with my weight. Now it is like they go out of their way to hold the door for me or help me out in someway or another, and they look right at me smiling, before if the door was held for me they really were not looking at me. I was at Spirit Mountain Casino and I was standing there watching my mom win millions, no not really, she wasn’t really winning millions lol, but one of the workers walked past us and next thing I know he tapped me on the shoulder and he had a chair he had drug over and said here have a seat while you watch, I have NEVER had someone do that at Spirit Mt. (and we have been there plenty of times). When I was at the mall the guys that are trying to sell things down the middle of the mall, they kept trying to stop me to sell me their shit, again when I was fat none of them were aggressively trying to get my business, unless they were selling a food item lol.

Another one that really pisses me off, is we have a friend that has always been nice to me, but now he always gives me hugs when he see me, and I mean not just a hi how are ya quick hug, they are full body lengthy hugs (and no this person doesn’t read my blog so they wont know I am bitching about them). Again it just pisses me off that I am treated so differently now that I am thinner, I am the same person and it is very sad to me to see how differently fat people are treated, that just isn’t right!! I wasn’t a ugly dog before so it has to be the fact that I guess in a lot of peoples eyes being fat just isn’t attractive. Well those people don’t know what they are missing out on, there is a hell of a lot of wonderful, kind, and good looking people out there, that just happen to have some extra weight on them and those people wont give them the time of day and get to know them, well it is there loss, fuck them!!!

Now this has also gone the other way, some fat people are treating me badly now, making snide comments here and there to me, making jokes of how I have lost the weight, saying I am to skinny now, or making fun of what I eat or I should say what I don’t eat any longer. I guess it goes both ways. I often feel like I am in a no win situation, when I was fat some skinny people were discussed by me, and now that I am thinner some fat people are not happy with me either! I guess I just don’t need to let other opinions of me bother me whether I am fat or thinner. I have worked my ass off and am happy with who I am now and most importantly I feel better and that’s all that should count!!!

Foods to Calm You Down

(this is another article I found and really liked, again I copied it I didn't write it myself)

De-stress and lighten up with these smart choices.

Holiday to-do list expanding too fast? Work pressures got you tearing your hair out? No date for the season's festivities? Regardless of the cause, when we're stressed we often counter intuitively turn to diet-busting goodies for comfort. Instead of soothing our frayed nerves, many of them ultimately make us feel worse.

Take the classic, curling up with a pint of ice cream. It's a total backfire. Why? Sweets are insidious: After the initial rush, the body's insulin response kicks in, causing a sudden blood-sugar drop that triggers the release of stress hormones. Soon you're feeling more jangled than you were before you inhaled that whole container of Chunky Monkey. And alcohol, of course, is a wolfish stimulant in calm sheep's clothing.

But true comfort foods do exist.

Berries, any berries
Eat them one by one instead of M&Ms when the pressure's on. For those tough times when tension tightens your jaw, try rolling a frozen berry around in your mouth. And then another, and another. Since the carbs in berries turn to sugar very slowly, you won't have a blood-sugar crash. The bonus: They're a good source of vitamin C, which helps fight a jump in cortisol, a stress hormone.

Guacamole
If you're craving something creamy, look no further. Avocados are loaded with B vitamins, which stress quickly depletes and which your body needs in order to maintain nerves and brain cells. Plus, their creaminess comes from healthy fat. Scoop up the stuff with whole-grain baked chips -- crunching keeps you from gritting your teeth.

Mixed nuts
Just an ounce will do. Walnuts help replace those stress-depleted B vitamins, Brazil nuts give you a whopping amount of zinc (which is also drained by high anxiety), and almonds boost your E, which helps fight cellular damage linked to chronic stress. Buy nuts in the shell and think of it as multitasking: With every squeeze of the nutcracker, you're releasing a little tension.

Oranges
People who take 1,000 milligrams of C before giving a speech have lower levels of cortisol and lower blood pressures than those who don't. So lean back, take a deep breath, and concentrate on peeling a large orange. The 5-minute mindfulness break will ease your mind, and you'll get a bunch of C as well.

Asparagus
Each tender stalk is a source of folic acid, a natural mood lightener. Dip the spears in fat-free yogurt or sour cream for a hit of calcium with each bite.

Chai tea
A warm drink is a super soother, and curling up with a cup of aromatic decaf chai tea (Tazo makes ready-to-brew bags) can make the whole evil day go away.

Dark chocolate
Okay, there's nothing in it that relieves stress, but when only chocolate will do, reach for the dark, sultry kind that's at least 70% cocoa. You figure if the antioxidant flavonoids in it are potent enough to fight cancer and heart disease, they've got to be able to temper tension's effects.

Ok it's time to get myself self back in check and get my ass back in gear!!!!

I am embarrassed to say this but I have NOT exercised in about a month, (the word “about” probably means more like going on a month and a half) and my body is showing and feeling the effects of it already!!!! I am embarrassed because with all the posts I have done on “get out exercise at least walk for 30 minutes a day” and “how good even a little exercise is for you” now I must eat my words, and I will say they don’t taste to good. I stopped walked when it got too dark outside for me to feel comfortable walking at 5:45/6AM. I should know better then to use this as an excuse, as fat people we are kings and queens of the all mighty excuses, any and every excuse we can find to use to not be able to exercise or why we are fat or gaining weight we use it, it NEVER seems to be our fault!! Well that's just what I have been doing for “about” the last month or so. I have been making one excuse after another as to why I wasn’t exercising, first it was to dark, (well I could have been walking in the evenings before it got to dark, or better yet going to the gym), it's was raining, cold, or windy, (hello I live in Oregon, born and raised I am not the wicked witch of the I wont melt in the rain, the rain is something I should be use to, not using it as an excuse). Plain and simple I have said this a million times before I HATE to exercise!!!! So I found an excuse to not to have to do. One day turned into a week, one week turned into 2 and so on. So here I am, my back is starting to bother me again, I feel my skin on my stomach, legs, and ass are not as it was before, (which let me say why the F does it seem to take so long to get it toned up, but only takes a short amount of time to go back icky, what the hell that is just not right!!!) My weight is at a stale mate or worst some weeks fluctuating and not in the direction I would like. What I need now is to take this bull by the horns and get a handle on myself self again, before it gets to out of hand and I get completely out of control like before. I will take this experience and use it as a good tool for myself. This has just reminded me this is going to be a life long struggle for me, I will always have and need to learn keep in control of my life, the eating and exercising, it's not that I didn’t know this or forgot it, it just shows me how fricken easy it is to slip up and let yourself loose control, and I WILL NOT let myself go back to that place again! So with that said I am determined to make myself get back to the dreaded exercising, either going to the gym or walking in the dark & rain, I will do this!

Side note: when I drafted this blog it was earlier last week, so I am happy to say I have gotten my ass out there to start walking again, the first 2 day were hard, it is amazing how fast you body get out of shape in such a short amount of time, I only did half the miles I use to do. By the 3 day it actually felt good and I didn’t hate it as much (don’t be mislead by this last comment, I will NEVER like to exercise, but I guess some days it doesn’t seem as tough to make myself do it as others ha ha ha). For now I am only walking 2 & ¼ miles in 30 minutes, instead of 4 miles in 50 minutes like before, I will take it slow and for now just get my 30 minutes of exercise in each day.

What I have learned from this last month or so, is I should have not stopped exercising to begin with and this wont be an issue now!!! This is all still new to me, I'll take every down fall as a learning experience, so now I know and hopefully I wont do that again.

Second side note: One of the blogs I read, the lady is training to be a Wellness Coach and is looking for Volunteers, it is free to you and she will help coach you in these areas

1. Life Satisfaction, 2. Energy, 3. Mental & Emotional Fitness, 4. Exercise, 5. Nutrition, 6. Weight, 7. Health. Check out her blog to get more info at  

http://eatdrinkandbeaware.blogspot.com If you have been wanting to get control of your life in any of these areas, this just might be the thing that can help you get your life back and help you become the healthy person you want to be, it's worth taking a look at her blog.