I say “this time” because I have tried many many diets over the years for many different reasons, and obviously they never worked or I should say the weight came off sometimes but never stayed off. I have never lost this much weight before, well I guess that would be I had never been as fat as I was when I started. I got to the point in my life I use to think I was fine or dare I say happy with the way I was, but to put it simply I was in denial, because I wasn’t happy at all with myself, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
I went to a new dr in May of 2009 weighing in at 216lbs and I am 5‘4, I had some concerns I talked to her about and OF COURSE she blamed all my issues on my weight, “being obese” (her words) effects a lot of different things she told me. Which of course this really pissed me off I hate the word obese. Of course no one thinks of themselves as obese they know they are fat but obese, no. It is such an icky word, it just sounds gross. I never thought of myself as obese and I still don’t think I was obese, yes according to the “charts” (that probably some thin bitch made up these charts) I was in the obese range, from what the charts say, 50lbs or more of extra weight is considered obese, so I according to the charts was obese.
A few months before May 2009 my husband was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure because of his weight, he went on meds for both. I kept thinking I know how bad being diabetic & having high BP is for your body, you may “feel fine” but it is wreaking havoc inside your body, truly killing you slowly. I dint want to lose him and started think about how his weight is effecting him. Then I thought “take a look in the mirror yourself fatty“, just because my body wasn’t showing signs like high BP or being diabetic didn’t mean I was any healthier than he was at that point with the extra weight I was haling around. Then I started thinking about my kids, especially Andrew (my son with Down Syndrome that will always need someone taking care of him) I want to be there for my kids until I am old and gray, not fat and in my forties. I had also been watching the Dr. Oz show, he talks about how as said above being overweight wreaks havoc inside your body, you may not notice but it is. I have read that 20.9 million people have diabetes, and 6.2 million people are unaware the even have diabetes. Dr. Oz talks a lot about how being over weight really effects your health, I’m not stupid I knew being fat wasn’t healthy, but I seriously didn’t realize how unhealthy is really was. He also stresses that if you take action now before your body yells to loudly at you, you can reverse a lot of the issues inside your body that you didn’t even know about yet, just by losing some weight.
But the clincher was right before I went to the dr for that appointment when the wonderful doctor told me I was obese. I put on a pair of my jeans, (which I didn’t wear very often because they were uncomfortable, my friend was stretch type material, or really loose clothing) (keep in mind my jeans were stretch jeans, but clearly not stretchy enough for me) anyway I went to put on these jeans and they really were to tight to wear comfortably, so that pissed me off to begin with, but I said to my self, “ok fatty you have to break down and get a bigger size, it’s time to stop the denial, the pants just don’t fit your fat ass any more“. So I thought ok I have to be fine with getting a new size……….18‘s, well I checked the tag inside to see what style the pants were called, and to my utter shock they WERE 18‘s, what the hell, that for me was rock bottom, I even had to get my glasses on because I was sure I read that wrong!!! I hadn’t!!! So I went to the “fat store” (Lane Bryant) and got a size 20, that just made me madder at myself at this point. (Now if you wear a size 18, 20 or larger, I mean no offense, I am just saying, for me personally I was shocked and didn’t like it. We all have our rock bottom and for each of us it is different, I’m just saying that was mine). All this combined, my husbands health being effected by his weight, having to get yet again a bigger size, hearing Dr. Oz talk about all the effects of being fat, frankly started to scare me. Like I said I want to be around to enjoy my kids and life in general, I don’t want to die at an early age. This is what gave me the push I needed to finally do this and do it the right way this time, it helped me to make life style changes permanently. I realized my life is very important to me, my kids, my husband and so many others, this is something I can do myself to make this a reality.
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